Beyond blame

Conflict is an unavoidable part of life. Everyone has at least one relationship that is in conflict, whether it's with a family member, a co-worker or boss, a teacher, a friend, or a lover. And while it is common to blame others for the conflict, this type of strategy usually makes things worse.

Beyond Blame focuses on the only party in the conflict we have any control over: ourselves. Conflict, according to Jeffrey Kottler, is an interactive process - you cannot look at a person who makes life difficult for you without also looking at yourself. While blaming others may lead to short-term relief, it often escalates conflicts and produces long-term damage. Kottler shows that to contend with conflict we must first understand the problem and then take responsibility by changing our own roles.

Kottler explores the patterns of conflict in our lives and tells how to identify the unresolved issues within us that contribute to recurring problems. Beyond Blame presents specific advice on conflicts in love and at work, and explains what to do when conflicts cannot be resolved.

Through many examples and helpful exercises we learn how to confront the interactions that arouse our deepest fears; harness emotional pain and use it as a force for constructive change; take responsibility without feeling the need to blame others; say no to guilt; and identify the positive functions of conflict - as a releaser of tension, a promoter of growth, and more.